Rachael Lindberg, MS, LPC
Afterglow Counseling & Coaching, PLLC
When planning for a life together, one of the most personal and impactful topics to discuss is your views on having children and family planning. These conversations can feel daunting, but they are essential for creating alignment and trust in your relationship. By exploring individual beliefs, shared goals, and practical considerations, you can build a foundation for navigating reproductive decisions as a team.
Here’s how to approach this topic with compassion, curiosity, and a shared commitment to open communication.

1. Reflecting on Individual Beliefs
Before diving into a shared discussion, take time to explore your personal feelings about parenthood. Your upbringing, cultural values, and life experiences often shape these beliefs, so understanding them is a critical first step.
Reflection Questions to Explore:
What are your thoughts on having children?
How many children, if any, do you envision having?
What fears or concerns do you have about parenthood or remaining child-free?
Example: You might realize that your preference for delaying parenthood stems from wanting financial stability, while your partner's preference for starting sooner may be influenced by cultural expectations. Sharing these reflections helps create empathy and understanding.
2. Aligning Your Shared Vision
Once you’ve reflected individually, come together to discuss your values and expectations. This is an opportunity to dream about your future while addressing potential differences.
Questions to Discuss Together:
What are our shared goals regarding children and family life?
How do we feel about alternative family-building options, such as adoption or fostering?
If one of us changes our mind about having children, how will we handle it?
Exercise: Imagine your life together in 10 years. Describe your day-to-day life, including whether children are part of it. Compare your visions to find overlaps and identify areas that need more discussion.
3. Considering Practical Logistics
Planning for children goes beyond shared values—it requires thinking through logistics like timing, finances, and parenting roles. These conversations help prepare you for the realities of parenthood.
Questions to Explore:
How will we balance parenting with work, personal goals, and self-care?
What role do we see extended family playing in raising children?
How will we plan for financial considerations like childcare, healthcare, and education?
Example: If one partner envisions staying home with children while the other prefers shared childcare responsibilities, discussing this early can prevent misunderstandings and set expectations.
4. Addressing Contraception and Family Planning
Contraception and family planning are essential components of reproductive decisions. Exploring these topics together ensures that both partners are informed and aligned.
Questions to Discuss:
What methods of contraception are we comfortable using, and who will manage it?
How do we feel about medical interventions, such as fertility treatments or sterilization?
How do our faith or cultural values influence these decisions?
Exercise: Research contraceptive options together and list the pros and cons of each based on your lifestyle and preferences. This can help you make informed choices as a couple.
5. Preparing for the Unexpected
Life doesn’t always go as planned, especially when it comes to reproduction. Preparing for challenges, such as infertility or unexpected pregnancies, can strengthen your relationship’s resilience.
Questions to Explore:
How will we emotionally support each other through unexpected challenges?
What resources, such as therapy or support groups, might we turn to in difficult times?
How will we handle disagreements about reproductive decisions?
Exercise: Roleplay a hypothetical challenge, like differing opinions on when to start a family. Focus on listening and validating each other’s feelings while working toward a solution.
6. Creating Your Action Plan
After exploring these topics, work together to outline the next steps. Reproductive decisions may evolve over time, so revisit these conversations regularly to ensure you remain aligned.
Action Steps:
Identify any unresolved questions and plan follow-up discussions.
Decide whether to consult professionals, such as doctors or counselors, for additional guidance.
Schedule regular check-ins to reassess your plans and priorities as your relationship grows.
Building Your Future Together
Reproductive decisions are deeply personal, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. The goal is to foster mutual respect, open communication, and a shared commitment to navigating these choices together. By taking the time to reflect, align your goals, and plan practically, you’ll create a partnership that supports not only your reproductive journey but also the foundation of your life together.
Interested in individual counseling, sex therapy, or relationship counseling? Submit a Contact Form to schedule a free 15-minute initial phone consultation with Rachael Lindberg, LPC!