Rachael Lindberg, MS, LPC
Afterglow Counseling & Coaching, PLLC
Money can be a source of deep connection—or conflict—in relationships. As you prepare for marriage, having open and honest conversations about finances is crucial for building trust and aligning your financial goals before marriage. Questions about saving, spending, and managing money can feel daunting, but these discussions create the foundation for a financially healthy partnership. So how do you navigate such an important topic? Let’s explore strategies for talking about money and building a plan that works for both of you.
Understanding Your Financial Values
Before diving into numbers, take a step back and explore your individual financial values and histories. Money isn’t just numbers—it’s tied to your upbringing, experiences, and emotions.
Ask yourselves:
What is your earliest memory of money?
How did your family handle finances, and how has that influenced your perspective today?
Do you view money as a source of security, freedom, power, or something else?
Example: One partner might prioritize saving for emergencies because their family struggled financially, while the other values spending on experiences because they grew up comfortably. Understanding these differences can help you approach money as a team, rather than as adversaries.
Take a moment to share these reflections and consider taking a "money personality quiz" together. Are you a saver, spender, planner, or risk-taker? Then, discuss how these traits complement or challenge one another in your relationship.
Assessing Your Current Financial Picture
Transparency is key when discussing finances before marriage. Sharing your current financial situation—including income, savings, and debts—can feel vulnerable, but it’s essential for building trust.
Start by answering:
What are our current sources of income?
What debts (e.g., student loans, credit cards) do we have?
How much have we saved for emergencies, retirement, or investments?
Example: If one partner has significant student debt, while the other has substantial savings, it’s important to discuss how these realities might shape your shared financial decisions.
Consider doing a financial transparency exercise together by sharing your credit scores, bank account balances, and monthly expenses. This isn’t about judgment—it’s about creating a clear starting point for your financial journey as a couple.
Setting Financial Goals Before Marriage
Once you understand each other’s values and current situations, it’s time to dream together. What are your financial priorities as a couple?
Ask yourselves:
What are our short-term goals (e.g., saving for a honeymoon)?
What are our long-term goals (e.g., buying a home, paying off debt, planning for children)?
What does financial security look like for us?
Example: You might decide to save for a down payment on a house within five years, while also allocating money for annual vacations. Creating a shared vision can make financial planning feel exciting rather than stressful. You can list 3-5 shared financial goals and estimate the costs. Then, discuss how you’ll save or budget to achieve them.
Defining Roles and Responsibilities
Managing finances as a couple requires clear roles and responsibilities. Discuss how you’ll handle the day-to-day and big-picture financial tasks.
Questions to consider:
Will we combine finances, keep them separate, or use a hybrid approach?
How will we handle monthly expenses, like rent and utilities?
Who will take responsibility for paying bills, tracking expenses, and managing savings?
Example: One partner might take the lead on creating a monthly budget, while the other manages long-term investments. The goal is to find a system that feels equitable and aligns with each person’s strengths.
Preparing for Challenges
Even the best financial plans will encounter challenges. Preparing for the unexpected can strengthen your partnership and reduce stress.
Ask yourselves:
How will we handle financial disagreements?
What steps will we take if one of us faces job loss or an unexpected expense?
Do we need an emergency fund, and how much should we save for it?
Example: Develop a conflict resolution plan, such as setting aside time to discuss financial concerns calmly and collaboratively. This approach ensures that disagreements don’t derail your goals.
Creating a Financial Action Plan
After your discussions, outline your next steps. Consider setting up monthly budget meetings to stay on track, consulting a financial planner for guidance, or using tools like budgeting apps to manage your goals.
Remember, these conversations are an opportunity to grow closer as a couple. Money doesn’t have to be a source of tension—it can be a way to build trust, alignment, and a shared vision for your future together. By approaching finances with openness and respect, you’ll create a strong foundation for your marriage and beyond.
Interested in individual counseling, sex therapy, or relationship counseling? Submit a Contact Form to schedule a free 15-minute initial phone consultation with Rachael Lindberg, LPC!