Rachael Lindberg, LPC, SXI
Afterglow Counseling & Coaching, PLLC
First of all, YES! The first, and most important, thing to do is emphasize how normal it is to experience changes, both personal and relational, during a pregnancy journey. Some of these changes are positive and some are really challenging. Pregnancy brings about incredible changes to your body and emotions. These shifts can impact intimacy, but they also offer an opportunity to deepen your connection with your partner and nurture your relationship in new ways. If you’re navigating sexual or physical intimacy during pregnancy, you’re not alone—many couples experience mixed emotions, but with open communication and patience, this journey can be a fulfilling one.
Before I continue, I want to acknowledge that everyone’s experiences with pregnancy are incredibly different and unique. Your journey is your own. Listen to your emotions and your body. Please get in touch with your midwife or OB/GYN if you feel unwell or experience any pain or symptoms.
1. Honor Your Body’s Changes
As your body changes, so too might your sexual desires and comfort levels. You may experience new sensations, fluctuating libido, or physical discomfort. Embracing these changes can be key to reconnecting with yourself and exploring what feels good for you at each stage. Take time to check in with yourself about what feels pleasurable or what doesn’t—your preferences may shift, and that’s completely normal.
If you’re experiencing discomfort, consider using pillows for support or experimenting with different positions. Lubricants can also help alleviate any discomfort from vaginal dryness, which is common during pregnancy. Listening to your body’s cues can help guide you toward intimacy that feels enjoyable and affirming.
2. Foster Open Communication with Your Partner
Pregnancy is a time of physical and emotional transformation, and it’s essential to share your experiences with your partner. By discussing how you’re feeling, you can cultivate a deeper connection and ensure that both of you feel understood. Share your concerns, desires, and boundaries openly, and encourage your partner to do the same. This mutual understanding helps you navigate any changes in libido or comfort level without fear of judgment.
Using “I” statements—like, “I’ve been feeling more tired lately, so I may need extra time to relax”—can help communicate your needs gently. By focusing on your experience, you make space for empathy and avoid unintentionally placing blame.
3. Expand Your Definition of Intimacy
Intimacy doesn’t have to mean sexual intercourse. Pregnancy can be an ideal time to explore other forms of closeness that strengthen your bond. Non-demanding physical touch, such as cuddling, massaging, or kissing, can offer emotional and physical connection without pressure. Spend time holding hands, enjoying playful affection, or engaging in activities that bring you joy as a couple.
Consider making time for activities that foster emotional closeness, such as sharing a quiet moment in the evening, taking a walk together, or spending time talking about your hopes for the future. These gestures of intimacy can deepen your connection and enhance feelings of closeness.
4. Practice Self-Care and Set Boundaries
Self-care is crucial during pregnancy, as your body is working hard to nurture new life. Pay attention to your physical and emotional needs, and set boundaries that help protect your well-being. Make time for rest, nourishment, and activities that bring you joy. Whether it’s a relaxing shower, meditation, or a gentle exercise routine, caring for yourself allows you to be more present in your relationship. Check with your midwife or OB/GYN for recommendations for safe movement.
It’s also important to communicate your boundaries around intimacy with your partner. If you need to slow down or take a break, let them know. Respect for each other’s needs and limitations fosters a sense of mutual support and understanding.
5. Reignite Your Emotional Connection
While pregnancy can bring unique challenges to intimacy, it’s also an opportunity to reignite your emotional bond. Share quality time that allows you to connect without the expectation of sex. Plan a date night, spend time talking about shared dreams, or find ways to laugh and play together. These moments can deepen your partnership and make the journey of pregnancy feel even more meaningful.
When you feel ready, explore new experiences that celebrate the changes in your body. Embrace what feels good for you both, and keep the focus on enjoyment and connection. By nurturing your relationship through these shifts, you can lay a foundation of intimacy that continues to grow throughout pregnancy and beyond.
6. Focus on Pleasure, Not Frequency
During pregnancy, intimacy is less about meeting certain expectations and more about experiencing genuine connection and pleasure. It’s natural for your body’s needs and desires to change, and that may mean letting go of ideas about how often or what type of intimacy “should” happen. Instead, concentrate on what brings you joy and comfort in the moment.
This could be anything from a quiet evening spent cuddling to a shared laugh or a sensual massage. The goal is to cultivate an experience that feels nurturing and fulfilling, no matter what form it takes. By embracing a pleasure-centered approach, you create space for authentic intimacy that adapts to your body’s rhythm and honors your evolving connection with your partner. Pregnancy is a time of transformation, and focusing on pleasure over frequency or specific acts can help you stay connected to your partner in a way that feels both supportive and satisfying.
Embrace the Journey Together
Intimacy during pregnancy is about more than physical connection—it’s about embracing the journey together. Be patient with yourself and your partner, and remember that your needs and desires are valid. By staying connected, prioritizing self-care, and exploring new ways to bond, you can foster a deeper connection and enjoy this transformative time as a couple.
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