Rachael Lindberg, MS, LPC
Afterglow Counseling & Coaching, PLLC
As you and your partner plan for marriage, building a strong foundation of emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy is essential. While love and connection might feel effortless now, maintaining that closeness requires ongoing attention and effort. Life’s demands—work, stress, and daily responsibilities—can easily take priority over intentional connection. So how can you and your partner nurture intimacy and ensure that romance remains a constant in your relationship as you prepare for a lifelong commitment? Here are key areas to explore together, along with practical strategies to prioritize intimacy before and throughout your marriage.
1. Defining Romance and Connection
Romance looks different for everyone, which is why it’s essential to reflect on what it means to you and your partner before entering marriage. What makes you feel loved, desired, and emotionally connected? One partner might value handwritten notes or spontaneous date nights, while the other feels most connected through small daily gestures like a hug before leaving for work. Understanding these preferences now allows you to be more intentional about meeting each other’s needs in marriage.
Reflection Questions:
How do I define romance in a relationship?
What makes me feel emotionally and physically connected to my partner?
How do I typically express affection and love?
Try this: Share your love languages (acts of service, gifts, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation) and give specific examples of times when your partner made you feel deeply loved.
2. Aligning Expectations for Intimacy
Maintaining intimacy requires a balance of emotional, physical, and sexual connection. Discussing your needs and expectations before marriage ensures that both partners feel fulfilled. If one partner craves verbal affirmations while the other prioritizes quality time, incorporating both into your relationship can strengthen your bond.
Reflection Questions:
What are our shared priorities for keeping romance alive in our marriage?
How do we balance emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy?
How do we handle mismatched desires or differing needs for affection?
Try This: Each of you write down 3-5 romantic or intimate gestures that would make you feel loved and connected. Share your lists and commit to incorporating at least one per week.
3. Making Daily Connection a Habit
Romance isn’t just about grand gestures—it’s about the little things done consistently. Small, intentional acts of love create a strong foundation of closeness before and during marriage. Example: A couple might establish an “unplugged hour” in the evening to focus on each other without screens or distractions.
Ways to Prioritize Daily Connection:
Express gratitude by sharing one thing you appreciate about your partner each day.
Spend 10 minutes talking without distractions.
Create simple rituals, like having coffee together in the morning or cuddling before bed.
Try This: Keep a daily intimacy tracker and note small gestures that help you feel close—whether it’s a shared laugh, a loving touch, or a meaningful conversation.
4. Nurturing Sexual Intimacy
A fulfilling sex life requires open communication, trust, and a willingness to evolve together. Rather than assuming your partner “just knows” what you want, engage in ongoing discussions about your desires, boundaries, and preferences. If one partner prefers spontaneous intimacy while the other values planned moments of connection, finding a balance—like scheduling intentional intimate time while leaving space for spontaneity—can create a more satisfying experience for both.
Reflection Questions:
What helps me feel comfortable and confident in our sexual relationship?
How can we communicate openly about desires and boundaries?
How do we address challenges like stress, fatigue, or mismatched libidos?
Try This: Use a Sexual Interest Inventory to explore new experiences together and deepen your understanding of what brings each of you pleasure.
5. Preparing for Challenges
Every relationship goes through seasons where intimacy ebbs and flows. The key is having a plan to reconnect when life gets in the way. Example: A couple might create a “reset ritual” for times when they feel disconnected, such as planning a special night together after a particularly stressful week.
Reflection Questions:
How will we maintain intimacy during stressful or busy periods?
What steps can we take to reconnect emotionally and physically after conflict?
How do we nurture intimacy as life circumstances (e.g., children, health issues) evolve?
Try This: Develop a reconnection plan—whether it’s a weekend getaway, a heart-to-heart conversation, or simply holding hands more often, having strategies in place helps intimacy remain a priority.
6. Creating an Intimacy Action Plan
Now that you’ve explored these key areas, turn your reflections into action. Identify ways to nurture intimacy consistently by setting small, meaningful goals.
Example of an Action Plan:
Area of Intimacy | Goal | Action Plan |
Emotional Intimacy | Share daily gratitude | Express appreciation before bed |
Physical Affection | Increase non-sexual touch | Give a hug/kiss before leaving the house |
Sexual Connection | Improve communication | Have a monthly check-in about desires and comfort levels |
Romantic Gestures | Keep the spark alive | Plan a surprise date every few months |
Intimacy is a Lifelong Journey - Keeping Romance Alive as You Prepare for Marriage
A strong, intimate relationship isn’t built on a single grand romantic gesture—it’s nurtured through daily connection, open communication, and mutual effort. By prioritizing romance, expressing affection in ways that resonate with each other, and embracing both the exciting and challenging seasons of your relationship, you create a love that deepens over time.
As you prepare for marriage, keep checking in with each other, be flexible as your needs evolve, and most importantly, approach intimacy with curiosity, care, and a commitment to growing together.
Interested in individual counseling, sex therapy, or relationship counseling? Submit a Contact Form to schedule a free 15-minute initial phone consultation with Rachael Lindberg, LPC!