Rachael Lindberg, MS, LPC, SXI
Afterglow Counseling & Coaching, PLLC
When it comes to relationships, we often hear advice like “trust your gut” or “you’ll just know” if a partner is right for you. While instincts and personality traits like kindness, humor, and trustworthiness are important, recognizing specific behaviors—both healthy Green Flags and concerning Red Flags—can provide a more grounded understanding of what contributes to a strong relationship.
Being aware of these behaviors can be tricky, especially during the honeymoon phase when oxytocin and dopamine are flooding your brain and creating feelings of connection and excitement. However, developing this awareness is a vital step toward fostering relationships that are not only loving but also sustainable.
Examples of Green Flags: What to Look For in a Healthy Relationship
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, emotional intelligence, and shared efforts to grow together. Here are some Green Flags to celebrate:
Respect for Your Values and Boundaries
A partner who listens and honors your boundaries is essential. Whether it’s about your time, interests, or physical and emotional space, mutual respect lays a strong foundation for collaboration and reduces unnecessary conflict.
Emotional Intelligence
A partner with emotional intelligence knows how to regulate their emotions and creates a safe environment for you to share yours. They can approach conflicts with empathy and understanding, working toward solutions rather than blame.
Support for Your Goals
You and your partner don’t need to share all the same interests, but mutual support is key. Whether it’s cheering you on from the sidelines or simply being curious about your passions, their encouragement can strengthen your bond.
Feeling Good in Their Presence
A partner who makes you feel valued and appreciated creates a relationship that feels secure and uplifting. Humor, kindness, and encouragement are hallmarks of a healthy dynamic, even during challenging times.
Examples of Red Flags: Behaviors That Can Harm Relationships
No one is perfect, but certain behaviors can signal incompatibility or even toxicity. Here are some common Red Flags to be mindful of:
Controlling or Jealous Behaviors
Excessive control or jealousy can erode trust and disrespect your autonomy. Healthy relationships honor each person’s right to privacy and independence within agreed-upon boundaries.
Poor Communication
A lack of willingness to improve communication skills often leads to misunderstandings and unresolved conflict. Healthy partnerships require active listening, openness, and a shared effort to bridge gaps in understanding.
Inability to Resolve Conflict
Harmful language, defensiveness, or physical escalation during disagreements can make resolution feel impossible. If conflict consistently becomes toxic, seeking individual or couples counseling may help.
Isolation from Loved Ones
Partners who discourage or damage your relationships with friends or family may be attempting to isolate you. Maintaining a balance between your romantic relationship and other connections is crucial for overall well-being.
Lowered Self-Worth
Negative language or behavior that undermines your self-esteem is a significant Red Flag. A partner should support your sense of value, not diminish it.
Real-Life Green Flag Examples
Friends and family shared their perspectives on Green Flags in relationships, and here are a few inspiring examples:
Your dog or cat likes them!
They ask if I want advice before giving it to me, they ask if I want support first.
They have their own interests and hobbies and are okay with not spending 100% of our time together.
They get along well with their family or have good boundaries with them.
They can admit when they're wrong and try hard to understand my POV during arguments.
Moving Forward with Awareness
Recognizing Green and Red Flags isn’t about creating a perfect partner checklist—it’s about understanding what contributes to a healthy relationship and where growth is needed. If your relationship includes some Red Flags, it doesn’t mean it’s doomed, but addressing those areas with open communication or professional support is important. On the other hand, celebrating Green Flags can help you deepen your connection and build a stronger partnership. Remember, relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, empathy, and shared commitment to growth. By paying attention to these signs, you’re taking an active role in cultivating relationships that align with your values and needs.
Resources
San Antonio
San Antonio Rape Crisis Center - (210) 349-7273
Family Violence Prevention Services - 210-733-8810
National
National Domestic Violence Hotline - (800) 799-7233
Loveisrespect - (866) 331-9474
Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network (RAINN) National Hotline - (800) 656-4673
Interested in individual counseling, sex therapy, or relationship counseling? Submit a Contact Form to schedule a free 15-minute initial phone consultation with Rachael Lindberg, LPC!